In my opinion, patriotism still matters to everyone. It matters because there is still an active participation in the army and military. Also, patriotism pulls people together. Without patriotism our nation would not be as superior as it is now.
There is an active contribution in the army and military. Many people sacrifice their lives to honor and defend our country, day after day. They also protect our freedoms. Like the freedom of speech and religion. Without these freedoms and rights, our lives would be miserable. We have worked really hard throughout the history to get these freedoms and rights. We do not just want to loose them!
Patriotism also pulls people together. By this, everyone has something in common. For example, we say “The Star Spangle Banner” in the middle of a baseball or any sport events. In most schools, we say “The Pledge of Allegiance.” When we say this, we are showing the respect we have for our nation and how much we care about it.
Many people say that they will grow up to be in the army or the military. If they do, this will be a huge great effect on our nation because the more patriots we have to stand up for our nation, the better it is. I am not saying that you have to be in the army or military or have to say the national anthem everyday in order to be a patriot. You could do all those things, but there are many easier ways to be a patriot. To be a patriot, you can vote to choose the right leader for our country. There! You are a patriot. But, you have to make sure that the person you vote for is the absolute best leader for our nation!
The main thing I really want to tell you is that patriotism still matters to everyone. Hopefully, it will always matter to every single person in our nation.
Nice essay, Krutika. You have a definite structure with specific details. One aspect I noticed with your writing that is evidenced in this piece is that you "talk" to the reader to much. Just state something; don't tell us that you will or did state it. Here are some examples of that type of writing that, while appropriate for elementary school, is no longer appropriate for writing at the secondary level.
ReplyDelete1. "In my opinion"
2. "I am not saying..."
3. "The main thing I really want to tell you is"
Often, the easiest fix to this problem is to just eliminate these phrases from the sentence. Usually, the remaining part of the sentence can stand alone, but it is possible that you might have to rework those sentences slightly after deletion of those phrases.
Overall, however, great job!
Great job Krutika! I love the way you wrote this piece. The examples you gave like " The Pledge Of Allegiance " are very much appreciated. Next time try not to say it from your point of view, try to say it in general. The way you also showed a lot of effort was good. Try practicing this technique on your next post. Loved your post I can't wait for the next one.
ReplyDelete-Angel calisay